A Poem

I haven't been blogging much because we've been sleep training Seeley and I've been trying to stay super active during the day so S will (pleeeeease) fall asleep in the crib (hasn't been happening) which turns me into a puddle of goo around nine 'o clock. Suprisingly, though, I have been working on my poetry. So, before I go collapse into bed, here's a little poem I wrote today:

Sparrows

I noticed it, suddenly complete,
in the light above my front door.
an ugly patchwork nest
tight and grey
suspended above a ring of bright shit.

I was told the nest cannot be removed
because there are eggs in there
and those swallows are endangered.
How can these little arrows
adaptable, confrontational, type-A avains,
be on the brink of non-existence?

Mother and father sparrow
swoop and dive
at the predators climbing up and down the stairs.
It works.
I hunch and bow to them and their kin,
three babies the color of steel and cement.
The cat slinks away hungry.

The bird family trills
echoing through the portico
lessons in fragility.

Sleep: Something I Used to Do

Once upon a time, before I had a baby (I don't want to say almost a year ago because my little baby cannot be that old), I used to sleep. I didn't necessarily sleep well, but most of the time I went to sleep and when I woke up it was morning. Now I go to bed at 10:30 and wake up at 12:30. And 3:30. And sometimes 5:00. And then we start our day at seven. Not bad you might think. That's about seven hours. But when that seven hours is broken down into such small chunks of time you kind of feel like you're losing your mind. Add to that that I am the lightest sleeper ever and that it takes me a long time to fall asleep, we're talking maybe four and a half hours of actual sleep.
Seeley is going through a funk. She used to only wake up once a night and she had been napping and sleeping in the crib like a champ. But now she's waking up all night and she won't fall asleep in the crib unless one of us is in there with her rubbing her back or hair. Some other mothers have told me this can happen at 10 months. They have so much going on in their growing brains (standing! talking! eating real food!) that their schedule and ability to sleep goes all out of whack. The biggest skill you need as a parent is adaptability and I'm trying to work on that everyday.
But it's hard. After Seeley goes to bed I get anxious. I have so much I want to do with that time, but I find myself looking at the clock thinking about how much sleep I'm depriving myself by staying up. It's not like my pre-baby days when I can just choose to stay up and go to bed early the next day. I have no control over how much sleep I get. But I also need to give myself time to read, work on my writing, or even just drink wine and watch crap t.v. It's a balance I'm constantly trying to figure out. How can I fit so much into a schedule I have no control over?
Suprisingly, aside from a few snappy comments between Wes and I (followed by grumpy apologies) we've managed to soldier on despite the lack of sleep. I've just given in to the changes she needs to go through. As long as she takes two naps at some point during the day and starts the night in the crib I don't care how we get there. And honestly, it's nice that she wants us to comfort her. It melts my heart that she'd rather curl up against me than sleep alone. She will go back in the crib, we will have a schedule. But not today.

Seeley Girl Goes to Seeley Lake!

To wrap up our visit, my family and I took the beautiful drive to Seeley Lake to have lunch at the Double Arrow Lodge. It was so quiet and peaceful up there. We were able to walk around the log cabin and golf course and I loved hearing stories about my grandma staying there with her sister and friends. Seeley loved seeing her family and I'm so happy she has so many caring people in her life.

The Double Arrow Lodge on a peaceful, beautiful day.

I so want to stay in one of these cabins.

A must visit next time you're in Seeley Lake.

Grandma Love.

What a place to have lunch!

Four generations of Dickinson women!

Missoula Trip (Part 2): Pickling!

I love family traditions, especially ones that involve food! The Dickinson clan has some fantastic recipes from Molasses Cream cookies during Christmas, strawberry rhubarb pie in the summer and spicy dill pickles for Thanksgiving. During my last couple summers in Missoula I've been lucky enough to learn from the pickle-making master herself: my grandma. She has this thing down to a science. She knows that the Hutterites grow the best cucumbers and when to get them at Patty Creek Market. Her neighbor Jane has the best dill in town and brings it over in huge trash bags! All of the ingredients are laid out in a little assembly line and she knows that if we can them now they will be at their prime for turkey day. I think I've almost got the recipe down, but my grandma will always be able to add that extra touch.

Lined up and ready to create garic-y, spicy, crunchy perfection.

The whole house smelled like dill. I loved it.

Fresh cucs in ice water.

Let's can!

Packed and ready for brine.

I'll be seeing you in November.

Missoula Trip (Part 1): This Growing Girl

I can't really find the right words to describe our most recent vacation to Missoula. Seeley is getting sooo big, and she's really showed her personality and curiosity these past few weeks. Luckily, S is quite the little traveler, so aside from the expected occasional cries and wiggles she's game to go wherever we go. The second she saw her grandparents, great-grandparents and aunts and uncles she was pointing, laughing, babbling, standing and crawling like there was no tomorrow. Her energy was endless and luckily our families had plenty of activities for this baby to enjoy. We enjoyed walks in the park, family parties (happy birthday great-great-grandma Lilly!), and cuddly evenings with those we love. Couldn't ask for more.

Weee! Look who has a swing in grandma and grandpa Joscelyn's backyard!

We love old school wooden toys that make you use your mind!

Splashing and swimming in her extra cute swimsuit.

A walk through Greenough Park with grandma Susan.

Just steps away from downtown Missoula.

Yay for aunt Shamara!

Mmmuuuuaaw.

Big girl in a highchair. She loves munching on apples.

We're Back! But First, Before We Went Away...

We had a great time in Missoula. I think that would be most evidenced by the fact that Seeley slept in later than me (when's the last time that happened!) Before getting into some fun Missoula posts, however, I wanted to post about our last fun Portland outing before our trip. We had recently attended the St. Johns Jazz Festival with John and Shanti and not only was the music excellent and the location cool and fun (St. Johns is definitely a new place to explore), Seeley had a blast laughing, singing and dancing with two of her favorite people!

The St. Johns bridge is quite a presence!

Crest on the bridge.

Jazz with the fam.

Gotta love outdoor music venues.

Seeley loves uncle John!

On Vacation, Be Back Soon!

This poor blog; always neglected when we're out of town. Seeley and I have been in Missoula for the past week (while Wes has been hard at work back in Portland) and we're having a blast. Stay tuned for next week when I'll be back to blogging and sharing all sorts of cute pictures! Happy August!