The Birth of Seeley (this is long, but so was labor!)

Can you tell that it hurt and Wes is totally terrified?

Brand new. I pulled her out, and there we were.

That's my daughter! 8 pounds 3 ounces, 21 inches long.

I'm back! I took a couple day haitus from blogging because I had my baby! Seeley Avery D-J was born on Octotber 13th at 2:42 am. She passed her "due date" by only a few hours! I was so excited when I realized I was going into labor and I had no idea what kind of ride I was in for.
I had begun feeling contractions on the morning of the 11th. I didn't know exactly what contractions were supposed to feel like (everyone says "you'll just know") but they felt like strong menstrual cramps that were arriving in a pattern. I called Wes home from work and we both were excited but cautious in case it was a false alarm. After talking to the midwives, they agreed that I was in "pre-labor". Something I didn't know until I gave birth is that there are quite a few different stages to the process. Pre-labor is when contractions begin to appear in a pattern (mine were seven minutes apart). This stage can stop suddenly or last for days, which is frustrating when you think "this is it!" and want to call your families. During this stage (all of the 11th) Wes and I went for walks around our apartment complex, watched movies and I sat on my yoga ball, which was a godsend since I couldn't really sit down comfortably. At about three in the morning on the 12th the contractions were getting painful to the point that they were hard to ignore so we decided to call our midwives. I was in good spirits but also starting to realize that there was no going back, which was a bit scary.
One of our midwives had come over the previous day (the 11th) and had told me I was two centimeters dialated and that I would be considered in "active labor" at five. When she came over the morning of the 12th she told me I was about three to four centimeters. This was to be my first of many times feeling fear and frustration about how long this would take. I had been having contractions for the entire night and had made so little progress! About seven hours later I was still 4 cm dialated. I was angry. I didn't understand. What was all that pain for? Where was all that work going? Family was expecting the birth to be almost at the pushing stage and I hadn't progressed at all that day. The contractions were also becoming less and less manageable. I could walk and move but then they would start and I was paralyzed. I always told myself I would write down what contractions feel like, but what people say is true; they're so hard to describe! They start out like bad menstrual cramps but build incredibly fast around your back, abdomen and pelvis. It's like the worst muscle cramps you've ever had (that doesn't even come close to doing it justice, though). It builds and builds until all you can do is breathe and moan.
At six o'clock and hour eight of labor (I had slowly been moving into active labor) our second midwife came over and discussed either using herbs and a walk to pick up the pace of labor or trying to take a break with a nap. I said there was absolutely no way I wanted to slow down. Some herbs and a 45 minute walk later, I could no longer stand. Even though I was genuinely working as hard as I could I genuinely believe the fear of labor slowing down even more gave me the subconscious psychological push I needed to let go and let the pain come. The contractions started coming one after another and all I could do to get through them was moan and throw up (the only aids I used during labor were water and gatorade, which I will never drink again.) As much physical pain as there is during labor, there is an emotional element that is equally as difficult. You think "keep going, get worse, I can do it" while at the same time thinking "I never could have known how much this would hurt" and "get me out of this body". When I could feel the contractions building I would "good, let's go" and "please, please no" at the same time. Finally, after an intense acceleration, I was in "active labor" (what exactly wasn't active until then?) and ready to get into the birth tub.
The hot water felt amazing, but after hour ten of labor I was begging to somehow end this. I knew I could do it but my body was literally collapsing. I was falling into unconscious, snoring sleep between contractions and all I wanted to do was cry. Then it was time to push. Contrary to what I thought and what I was told, pushing was pretty awesome. It was very difficult since I had to use a superhuman amount of strength, but the contractions were over. You could have stabbed me in the face if it would end the contractions. After two and a half hours of pushing her head was out. One more push and I was done. I took a deep breath, gathered my strength and pushed. As she was coming out I reached down (I was on my knees with my arms draped over the side of the tub) and pulled out my baby. It was over. And just beginning.
Seeing this written out, it seems like quite the horror story, and to be honest Wes and I were really shaken by it. But somehow you learn to let it go. I think back to only three days ago and all I can focus on is pulling her out of my body and holding her. We are clueless about basically everything with Seeley, we're exhausted and we're totally in love.