Polar Bear Hat!!!

Monkey dolls everywhere at Topanien Gifts of the World!

I've been pushing myself too much lately. I have a thing with to-do lists where I beat myself up if something isn't done in the time frame and manner I think it should be. I've been pushing myself with my poetry, cleaning (nesting on steriods is a good description) and editing work I do on the side. So this evening I decided I needed a break. I took my giant $45.00 paycheck from some papers I edited and went to Topenien Gifts in Multnomah Village (I swear I will leave my neighborhood when I'm not 100 weeks pregnant.) We were greeted by their awesome and colorful window display of wool monkey dolls.

But the reason behind this stop was to purchase the adorable winter polar bear hat I've had my eye on. I figure, how stressed can I be when I have a cute polar bear on my head? Mission accomplished.

Like Art? Read This Book!

Apollo's Angels: A History of Ballet by Jennifer Homans. Random House. 2010.



I've just finished an amazing book by dance critic Jennifer Homans. Apollo's Angels: A History of Ballet captures the flow and intersection of ballet with music, poetry, painting and fashion as well as politics and national identities across the world. Angels is a long read (550 pages) but, even as someone with no experience in ballet, I was hooked from beginning to end. I've never read a book that so smoothly combines dance and art into a historical timeline. Dance and art as a whole have been judged by their accessibility and Angels expertly describes the role art plays in the lives of those who have access to it and those who do not. National tragedies and triumphs, the rise and fall of monarchies are all told through the story of ballet. The attention to detail and intense discipline and fluidity of ballet is reflected in the discipline and fluidity of Homan's writing.

If you have an interest in art, history, and culture I recommend you read this book!

38 weeks

Just a quick baby update. I am 38 weeks today, baby girl is due in two weeks and I am over it! I have a lot I want to say about pregnancy but for now all I have to say is uuuggggghhhh. Look at that belly!

Fire Water (River of Love)

I woke up in a bad mood this morning. I am an extremely light sleeper and pregnancy has only made this worse. Usually when I wake up pissy I listen to a song that makes me smile, dance or laugh. Today that song is "Fire Water (River of Love)" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. I could listen to this song over and over and I love how their band has, like, 500 people in it:) Enjoy!

Hello Fall!

Leaves beginning to change!

It's not Portland without a little rain!

The official first day of fall this year was Friday, September 23. Fall is my favorite season and the fact that it always seems so short (especially in Missoula) makes it all the more special. Here in Portland the weather has cooled down, the rain has picked up and leaves are starting to change color and drop to the ground. I always try to notice and appreciate these changes because before we know it Portland will be grey, cold and rainy. So enjoy the fall. Pull out your favorite sweaters, drink some dark beer, look up recipes for stews and casseroles and other rich, dense, food, and buy a pair of wool socks (we are in the Northwest after all, there are unfashionable expectations to uphold). Enjoy the change in season!

Defining a "Real Job" (and Why "Feminist Homemaker" is Not An Oxymoron)

We all do it. We meet someone new and cheerfully ask, "So what do you do?" This question seemingly has a lot of answers. "I listen to music, sleep, go for walks, sometimes I cook." But that's not what we mean when we ask the question and we know that's not the response others look for when the tables are turned. No, what do you do to make money? Until recently I had an answer. "I work for the school district in the Indian Education Department." I could breathe easy. I was working; my existence and productive ability had been validated. But that was a year ago.

There are a lot of ways to be productive and contribute to society, however, only pursuits with monetary rewards seem to be of value. Don't get me wrong, money is important and poverty sucks. It's a hell of a lot harder to reach your full potential when you can't afford heat or food. But why don't we recognize (really recognize, not just a pat on the head) the contributions of those outside the paid workforce?

Radical Homemakers by Shannon Hayes. Left to Write Press. 2010.

When I say "those" I mean stay-at-home partners and homemakers (both male and female). "Homemaking" is experiencing a major resurgence, especially in the Do It Yourself (DIY) movement. Growing and preparing your own food, opting out of work to raise children, making your own clothing and other acts of self-sufficiency have gained notable popularity across the country. Books like Shannon Hayes' Radical Homemakers: Reclaiming Domesticity from a Consumer Culture (a must read if you're considering leaving the workforce) have wait lists. So when Wes and I decided that we wanted to live off of one income and that I would stay home with the baby, one would think I leapt in with full confidence. Not quite.

As a woman and a feminist I feel a little like I'm selling out. And what pisses me off is that so many other feminists seem to agree. The way a lot of feminists talk about "traditional women's work" reeks of condescension. Don't even get me started on the idea of the "overeducated housewife" (so I'm too smart to change a diaper? My education is worthless unless I use it to make money?) We are spitting in the faces of the women who got us where we are when we say that women who choose to embrace the traditions that have supported families and united women for years are not as empowered as those who work for a paycheck. Something is seriously wrong when I feel invalidated by feminists for doing something traditionally done by women.

When people ask "what I do" I don't know what to say. I stammer and say "well I'm not working right now" or "well, see, with the baby coming..." I know this decision feels absolutely right for both of us but I still feel like I need to convince people that I'm not just leeching off of Wes. It would be too easy for me to suggest that we stop defining ourselves by how we pay the bills. I didn't realize how much I did it until the paychecks stopped coming. What I can say is that I have been thrown into a huge learning curve in restructuring my time and and pursuits; and in this confusion I've learned that we all ultimately know what's best for ourselves no matter how traditional that may be.

A Bob Dylan Children's Book!

Forever Young by Bob Dylan and Illustrations by Paul Rogers. Simon and Schuster.2008.

"May you stay forever young/Forever young, forever young/ May you stay forever young."

"Forever Young" is one of the most touching and beautiful songs out there and Bob Dylan is an amazing, one-of-a-kind songwriter and artist. So when I recently received the book "Forever Young" as a gift (thanks Ari:)) I knew I had to let everyone know that this gem exists. Dylan's lyrics accompany Paul Rogers' illustrations which are inspired by other classic Dylan songs as well as parts of his life. I cannot wait to read the lyrics to "Forever Young" one by one with the accompaniment of a beautiful illustrated story to my little girl.

Enjoy your weekend and "May God bless and keep you always/May your wishes all come true/May you always do for others/And let others do for you."

Prenatal Yoga

An awesome little studio in SW Portland

Yoga has become the thing to do. But I can tell you, as someone who usually avoids fads, I love going to yoga. If you know anyone who is pregnant, whether they are 39 weeks or two weeks, tell them to get their butt to a yoga class. Yoga is just stretching and breathing; but when's the last time you stretched and took nice, deep breaths for 90 minutes straight? When you're pregnant your body goes through so many changes and often you're muscles feel tight and achy. Yoga is like a little reward. Stretching the hips, pelvis and back can not only help during labor, it feels sooo good. So ignore all the hype around yoga (unless you want to study the spiritual and philosophical practice around it) and sign up for a class. We all deserve a good stretch.

Marriage Changes Everything: Really?

When Wes and I got married I cried like a baby. I thought I'd be cool, calm and collected. No big deal, just thowing a party with an awesome dress. But when I saw Wes and everyone we love and when we said our vows holding eachother's sweaty hands, I lost it. Having a wedding of your own is amazing and everyone who wants one deserves one. And guess what? After the wedding you get to be married!

Marriage has deep roots yet it's new to each person experiencing it. In my experience I've always heard that marriage will change your relationship. That going from boyfriend and girlfriend to husband and wife will somehow alter every aspect of your current relationship and identity.

The day after Wes' and my wedding we ate leftovers. Maybe we watched a movie. I respect marriage, but to me the idea that getting married changes your relationship seems a bit outdated. If your relationship is unequal or tense or you don't trust your partner, your marriage will be a continuation of these problems. Unfortunately, a lot of people seem to think that marriage means that all problems will solve themselves simply because you've made a legally binding agreement not to break up. But no one's ever said "I love you because we're married." In the same vain, if you have an amazing, trusting and passionate relationship than your marriage will be all of those great things. I don't necessarily think being legally married will make your relationship more amazing, trusting or passionate.

I think the idea of marriage changing relationships stems from two interwoven ideas. In the past people saved sex, living together and long-term partnerships until marriage. Everything really did change when you went from just going on dates to living together, making long term decisions and developing a sexual relationship. Today, many of my friends have been or are in long term, commited relationships and are not married. They live with their partners, make long term decisions together, for all practical purposes they were/are married! Yet if I told them that they would probably freak out! The changes that came with marriage in the past and the potentially smooth or nonexistant transition into marriage today have been largely ignored or downplayed.

Second, for some people marriage equals expectations. The stereotype is that all women do this but really some do, some don't. For these women (and men) marriage can equal babies or increased income or a stricter sense of codependence. Expectations can be okay. A lot of people have religious beliefs that prevent them from having sex and therefore children before marriage as well as guidelines for married couples. If you and your spouse believe in those things: awesome. I respect your choices and commitment. The problem occurs when these things are expected without any discussion with your spouse. Marriage will definitely change things when it comes with a to-do list.

The idea of marriage as a theory and marriage as a practice are completely different things. I always get asked "what's it like to be married?" and I always respond "no different than before". Wes didn't become a two-headed monster nor did he become Prince Charming. People sometimes call me by Wes' last name even though I kept my last name. I got a gorgeous ring out of it. I have to contridict myself, though. Somehow, somewhere, something did change a little bit. The memory of saying our vows to one another has stayed with me. Our fights don't seem to last as long (I end up thinking, "screw it. You're going to leave your crap everywhere for the REST OF MY LIFE!") I feel more protected. Not that I can't protect myself, I can just feel that Wes really loves me and wants me around.

So, if you want to get marry your partner (and are fortunate enough to legally be able to) than do it. If you don't want to get married, don't. The only thing that matters is the love you have for yourself and your partner. Because that won't change.

Portland Poets John Morrison, Peter Sears and Dave Jarecki at Annie Bloom's (Tonight!)

If you enjoy going to readings and want to support local authors, tonight at 7:00-8:30 at Annie Bloom's Books (7834 SW Capital Highway) three Portland poets will be sharing their work. At the end of the reading there will be an open mic if you want to share some of your own work!

If you don't live in Portland but plan to visit, Annie Bloom's Books is a must visit. It's a great little well established independent bookstore in Multnomah Village in Southwest Portland. Their book selection is great, as well. Although Powell's kicks ass, we have to support the little guys too :)

Hey Writers! Call for Submission

I'm a writer and like most writers I would like to be published. There are so many great literary journals out there, I figured I should share some of my favorite finds and calls for submission to any fellow writers out there.

 The Mom Egg is a journal of poems, fiction, reviews, interviews and art about motherhood by mother artists. They are excepting submissions until September 30. I know that's coming up soon, but you can submit online in just a couple minutes. They also ask that you include an author bio and simple cover letter (think "my name is ...I am submitting such and such peice of work...I have yet to be published/I have been published here and here.) To submit, click here:  www.themomegg.com. Write on!

Date Night!

Even though I'm still sick and can't really breathe, taste or smell, we figured we should have one last "date night" before the baby comes. Of course we went to Hopworks Urban Brewery. The food here is out of control amaaazing. Their black bean burger is made by them (don't you hate when resturants just heat up grocery store veggie patties? Gross.) They have burgers and salads and pizza and almost all their food is local and organic. Their beer is also organic and delicious. The smell of hops in that place makes me really start counting down to the birth! If you visit Portland, or live here and have never been, go to Hopworks immediatly!

Favorite Musicians Mashup

I have to share this. Bonnie Raitt is one of my favorite musicians and Bon Ivor is one of my favorite new (to me) finds. The combined amazingness above is Iver singing two of the best songs ever written, "I Can't Make You Love Me" and "Nick of Time" by Bonnie Raitt. Cry and enjoy.

Noodle Bowl!

Wes made this dish for dinner last night and I always freak out 'cause it's sooooo good. It's gingery and garlic-y with a delicious crunch of green onion. I have a cold right now and this dish is great for clearing my sinuses. I am including the recipe here because everyone deserves to experience the deliciousness of noodle bowl. Enjoy!

Noodle Bowl for Two:

Sauce:
(combine)
6 tbsp tamari soy sauce
2 tbsp water
1 1/2 tbsp maple syrup
1 tbsp sesame oil
2 tbsp grated ginger juice
6 cloves chopped garlic

Boil two packages of udon noodles
drain and wash under cold water (this is a cold dish)
put noodles in bowl and add sauce
top with one bundle of chopped green onion

Fighting the Good Fight: John Taylor Gatto

Our baby isn't due for three more weeks and I've already thought long and hard about school. It's not that I'm going to be one of those "helicopter parents", it's that I think our compulsary school system is seriously messed up.

Enter John Taylor Gatto. Gatto taught in public schools for over 30 years and was named both New York City and New York State Teacher of the Year. And he thinks our compulsary school system is messed up. As a teacher myself I constantly felt conflicted. Gatto confirms that students are not learning much of anything. Except to be dependent on authority figures for knowledge and validation. Where is self-initiated learning in this system? Is it even possible to combine independent thinking with our current system? I do not want our daughter thrown into the shuffle and turned into a mindless follower who doesn't trust her own interests and opinions. But does that mean homeschool?

Gatto's books, lectures and a forthcoming documentary are a must for anyone questioning how school is molding our children. Our minds are all we have and we need to protect, enrich and empower them. I heard yesterday that Gatto had a heart attack. I truly hope that we have this man around for many years to come. He has been insturmental in helping people young and old open their eyes and take charge of their time and lives.

A Quick Note Toward Progress

Today "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was finally repealed. I don't have much to say other than I'm so happy we're slowly but surely moving out of backwards hate and ignorance and towards equality. Remember, no one's free until everyone's free :)

Why Blog? My Complicated Relationship with the Blogosphere

Yes, a blog. Yes, another stay-at-home mom/feminist/writer blog (isn't it awesome that there are so many of us!) I've been affected by blogs in both positive and negative ways in my adult life and I think it's important to share this impact before beginning this blogging adventure.

 In 2007 Wes and I moved to Seattle. I could not find work, became severly depressed and tetered on the edge of an eating disorder (control issues...more on this in the future). I turned obsessively and desperately to blogs and the internet. I never touched my own keyboard but lost myself in the lives of others. Through this experience I discovered the internet's ability to help and to harm. The envy and worthlessness that came along with looking at tableaux's of what people want you to see of their lives was very desctructive to my assent out of depression. It wasn't the internet's fault nor was it the weight and career obsessed bloggers'. I was simply too fragile and lost to be looking at a world that seemed so perfect. There is so much open interpretation on the internet and blogs, and that needs to be acknowledged and respected.

In 2009, health and happiness restored, I returned to blogs while exploring an interest in alternative education. My career has been in teaching English/Language Arts with a special interest in alternative schools and I had been moving further and further away from mainstream education. Home school, free school and unschooling blogs gave me the strength to pursue my ideas and goals in my chosen field without fear.

The irony is not lost on me that observing the lives of strangers helped me learn about myself. Which brings me to why I want to start a blog of my own. I don't have any life advice to give. I am not an expert on anything. I am a 27 year-old mother, wife, poet and a million other things. I am just like you and the complete opposite of you. Blogs are so strange. They can feel so egotistical and pointless, yet, I do want to know what you did on your trip to California, I want to see pictures of kids I don't know playing and looking cute. Images and experiences don't have to be tied to a product, their purpose is their own existence. The great thing about blogs is that they make us motivated or happy just by virtue of someone living their life. I'm not perfect, but I am happy. I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my first child, I'm writing poetry in earnest for the first time in my life and I married my best friend. I want to share all of this. I want to write and share what I feel, think and do, and I want people to share in it for no particular reason at all. Just because they want to. :)