How To Be A Father

Wes is an amazing father and an amazing husband. Going through major life milestones with him has been amazing, mainly because we've always done things our way. I didn't know there were so many ways to parent and at times it seems a little silly that everything we do seems to fall into a certain school of thought. One of the most important decisions we made when Seeley was born was to co-parent. Our definition of co-parenting simply means equal involvement, equal dedication and equal responsibility. There is no "head of household" in our house. Wes has learned what her different cries mean and how to put her to bed and he changes diapers like a pro! Our decision to have me stay at home while Wes works may seem old fashioned, but Wes will never be one of those men who provide financially for his kids but barely knows them.
We have a relationship as a family unit, but Wes and Seeley have a relationship that is theirs alone. He does things differently than I do and sometimes I have to bite my tongue. But I know everything we're doing is creating a loving foundation for baby girl. She will always know that both of her parents are crazy about her.

My loves.

Happy family.

Seeley, hamming it up as usual!

Thanksgiving Weekend (So Far) In Pictures

Relaxing at John and Shanti's on Thanksgiving day

The food was so good we didn't stop to take many pictures!

Downtown Portland on Friday night.

Enjoying a downtown walk:)

We, along with all these people, decided to watch the lighting of the Christmas tree in Pioneer Square!

Ohhhhhhh. Ahhhhhhhh.

So pretty:)

And look who learned to take a bottle! Now we can go out for more than 45 minutes!

Thankful: A Little List

I'm thankful that this is where I'm from!

With Thanksgiving just around the corner I thought I'd make a quick list of all I'm thankful for:

carrying and delivering a beautiful, healthy baby

my new little family, my Dickinson family and my Joscelyn family

all the adventures I've had living in Missoula, Seattle and Portland

Christmas lights and Christmas music

Dickinson pickles and molasses cream cookies

books

30 Rock and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wes-his humor, motivation and everything else

my silly cat Deedle

myself-my strength and ability to love so much

Netflix-especially on rainy days

red wine

I Love My Friends (Even Though We Haven't Talked In A While)

I'm always laughing with Ari; usually about something that doesn't make sense.

Ari: my goofy friend.

Lindsay: my adventure friend.

Wynne and Colleen: my forever friends.

I am lucky to have an amazing group of friends that I've been close with since high school (some since middle school!) They are all amazing, intelligent, independent women who are doing amazing things. I do not exaggerate when I say amazing. I am constantly impressed by my friends' abilities to travel without fear, build their own careers from the ground up and pursue their creative interests.

I love my friends and they love me, but we don't talk very often. I don't think this is too big of an issue since when we do talk we always pick up where we left off. But I miss my friends! Perhaps I'll start to make more of an effort. I'll pick up the phone, schedule visits, that sort of thing. People who know me know that I'm not the type who needs to be around people all the time; but when you have such strong connections with your friends it's important to reach out to maintain that bond.

So, anyone want to join me in calling an old friend?

Co-sleeping and Proud!

This makes me so angry!

snuggly girl. And yes, that is the crib in the background!

Happy co-sleeers.

I saw the above ad yesterday and boy did I get mad! Sleeping with your parents is like sleeping next to a knife? I don't think so. Cosleeping is common in other parts of the world, but here in the United States we seem to think babies will instantly get smothered due to their irresponsible, ignorant parents. I'm not an expert, but I can tell you that co-sleeping provides comfort and stability for babies (for my baby I'm sure of it) and that if you are safe about it (putting baby on her back, making sure their aren't loose covers and pillows around, etc.) it is a great time to bond as a family.

Wes and I have been co-sleeping with Seeley since she was born. It wasn't something we sat down and talked about; we naturally brought her into bed with us. I love waking up in the middle of the night and kissing her cheek, or patting her back to help her fall asleep. I can even nurse her without either of us having to move!

Ads like the one above make me mad because they take what has been done for generations and project it as something wrong and dangerous. I will never judge another person for how he/she chooses to parent (unless she is neglecting or hurting her children, obviously) but I hope people are smarter than to believe this nonsense!

Seeley's Song

I've been singing "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac to Seeley all morning:) It's such a sweet song for a sweet girl.

Rainy Portland Weekend

Our weekend was pretty uneventful; but it's still nice to just lie low. We wanted to walk downtown, but since it was pouring rain we went to Trader Joe's instead! We were just in time to check our their yummy holiday treats! Have I mentioned that Christmas time is a horrible time to try to lose baby weight?

Welcome to winter in Portland!

Downtown Trader Joe's

Nice and warm inside

I wanted to. But I didn't. They'd be gone before we got home!

But we did get this. Mmmm

One Month Old! What I've Learned...

Growing Girl

Seeley is one month old today! Time sure does fly and I have learned sooo much! Here are some highlights:

1) Being a new parent is scary and difficult, especially in the first few weeks. It's not so much what the baby does or needs that's hard, it's the anticipation of what she will need or do that keeps you on edge. Getting to know Seeley's signals has made a world of difference. It's nice to know that anxious feeling goes away!

2) Every little thing is amazing. Watching her look at the light. Her learning how to smile. Even going to the bathroom (which still gets a round of applause every time she does it!)

3) Multitasking is possible. I amaze myself with all the things I've been able to do while holding a baby!

4) Making time for yourself is important. Wes and I are getting really good at giving eachother a baby-free half hour to eat, read, get on the computer, whatever. Single moms, I don't know how you do it. Seriously, how do you do it!

5) Joy is kissing Seeley's forhead when she sleeps on my chest, playing with her feet and laughing at her goofy noises.

These past four weeks have been the biggest learning curve of my life. I've had moments of frustration and moments of overwhelming happiness. I miss my old life but can't wait to spend another day with my little family. I imagine nothing  compares to your first moments with your first child. I hope I always  remember the ups and downs of our first month together:)

Portland Pop Up Shops: Shop Local for the Holidays!

Holiday pop-up shop locations in Portland

Crafty Wonderland (802 SW 10th Ave.) became a permanant downtown store after years as a pop-up.

Ring designed by Kat Seale at Portland Design Collective 

I know it can be a bit spendy, but shopping local not only provides you with individual goods that come with a story, they keep your town unique and vibrant. During the holiday season this year downtown Portland will be hosting "pop up shops" that will showcase local arts, crafts and more as an alternative to the big name stores in the area. The shops will only be around during the holidays and are an excellent way to explore all that is available locally!

Race as a Fraction

(One of the best songs about race ever written)

Seeley is adorable, but something I haven't thought (or cared about) until now is her complexion. When I was pregnant I often thought about what she would look like. Would she look black or white? Would she have my curly, frizzy hair or something resembling Wes' straight, light hair? More importantly, how would she identify? When she was born, however, all of that went away. She's my adorable daughter who, for the moment, has straight black hair and blue eyes.

About a week after Seeley was born I was filling out information for her social security card when my midwife asked me to identify her race. "Um, white. No, black. White and black? Let me talk with Wes on that." Technically, Seeley is 1/4 black, but how ridiculous does that sound? I have a black father and a white mother but I identify as black. I have black features and dark skin. For me it's that simple. But what will she do since she might not "look black"?

If we really want to get technical, Seeley is more German than anything. My "white" side is German and Wes is Swedish and German. So that would make Seeley 1/4 black, 1/4 Swedish, and 1/2 German! But I'm pretty sure my daughter isn't a pie chart:)

Last Fall Walk and Winter Reading

Looks like fall, feels like winter

Checking on Seeley. Good papa :)

Wes and I bundled up yesterday to enjoy the last of the fall leaves and sunshine before winter comes and Portland turns gray and rainy. It still looks like fall outside, but it is coooold and my mind is turning towards all things winter.
I love to read and winter is the time when I like to tackle my growing reading list. Here's my book list for winter 2011/2012!

The White Album by Joan Didion
Joan Didion is an amazing author with a unique writing style. I love nonfiction and Didion, in my opinion is one of the most talented essayists alive today. The White Album is a book of essays about Didion's life in Los Angeles and politics in the 1970s.

The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman
This historical novel about ancient Judaism looks amazing. Dovekeepers takes place 2,000 years ago in 70 C.E. when 900 Jews took refuge from the Romans in the mountain fortress called the Masada. Out of 900 people, only two women and five children survived. Hoffman imagines the story of how those seven survived.

The Norton Anthology of Modern and Contemporary Poetry
I've been reading this giant anthology for a while. It's important to me as a writer to understand the classics and standards of poetry. When I have a moment to focus, I enjoy picking this up.

A Little Visit

Yesterday Seeley and I went to Wes' work to have lunch. We got to meet all of Wes' coworkers who threw the most wonderful baby shower for us during the pregnancy. Seeley looked extra cute; I think they all loved her:) We also got an adorable gift from Wes' aunt Marge. So much love for this little girl!

workday break with his little girl.

Happy mama

Someone needs a nap after hamming it up!

Baby clothes cupcake!

Chores, Clothes and Baby

Thank you for napping just in time! I knew you had my back:)

Coming soon: A stylish mama

Seeley is napping right now, and after the morning we've had it couldn't come soon enough! Somehow I managed to fall asleep when Seeley woke up at 6am. I told myself "I'll get up to feed and change her in just a second" and woke up 45 minutes later to a cranky, wide awake baby staring at me. I changed her and discovered she had gone everywhere (how did it get up her back?) and felt like a bad mommy. I needed to go to the bank to get some cash and of course Seeley decided today was going to be the one day she didn't like the car seat. It's also the first day I drove with her alone! We got home and I had to figure out how to do laundry with a fussy baby that doesn't want to move around unless it's in our house. So here I am running back and forth leaving a crying baby while I run to the laundry room. Whew! Today was definitely one of those days I wish we owned a home or at least a fancy apartment with a washer and dryer like our Capital Hill apartment in Seattle (so fancy and expensive, so worth it). But Seeley is awesome and perfect.  At the height of my running around she decided to take a nap. She helps me out like this a lot. It's like she knows when to give me an hour or two:)

In less dramatic news, I'm getting sooo tired of wearing yoga pants and hooded sweatshirts. When putting away our laundry I got to look at all of my beautiful clothes; none of which I can wear because they are either not conducive for breastfeeding or they are a size 4 ( I tried on a pair of my size 4 pants...hence the daily workouts.) Oh well, when I can wear all these great clothes I'll definitely appreciate them!

Occupy Portland Poem

Rough draft of the latest poem I wrote for High Contrast Review:

Occupy
Occupy does not mean to make oneself at home
home is what you leave to occupy.
They occupy like rumbling bellies under stale sheets
that somehow rise to another empty morning.
They occupy for more and for less:
education and war, healthcare and bailouts.
They occupy like the last five dollars in a bank account
steady in hopes of return.
But most of all they stay
in hopes of an evenness
a stability and balance.
We watch them occupy the screen for a clustered second
mouths moving in silence

the sound bite already over.

Today I was...

Today I was...
Happy that Seeley took a nice big nap
Annoyed that her name was mispelled on her social security card
Upset that Wes and I got in a fight
Proud that we ended the fight with a kiss and great ideas to develop clearer communication
Refreshed when I was able to workout for the first time post-pregnancy
Overwhelmed when Seeley had a crying spell
Filled with love while watching her have "tummy time"
Grateful that I had a moment at the end of the day to catch my breath

Were doin' it little girl

Tired and happy...and tired